i have always depended on the kindness of strangers

[langwidere]

So, as you probably know, I am sort of sick* and I’m feeling really wiped-out and pissy and moody and I haven’t e-mailed anybody in weeks, which is compounding my feelings of guilt and assholery daily, and also I made the very worst chicken pot-pie in the history of mankind for dinner and I am just in a really bad mood in general. No translations today, sorry.

I was planning a post about all the shows I’m watching this fall (I am watching several!) (What is this, 2002?) (Yes! It is!), but I get the feeling that if I tried writing it right now, every review would be a negative F minus. So: no on that one, too. I know. (Don’t cry.)

This is what I was doing last night:

Unable to restrain my intense feminine curiosity, I clicked on the MARRAIGE FIRST image. Because, really? Are we going there, Jesus?

We are going there. I got to this exceedingly strange site, which appears to be called 'Realistic Imaginations YOUTH,' and which features web graphics that depict a bloody Christ being anally serviced by an angel in the guise of Lex Luthor. I think, based on context clues, that these are exactly the sort of people who would like to put marraige first whether you like it or not.

This was the very first thing I saw.

This was also rather nice:

Haha, yes! "Forced into the king’s harem" = "won a beauty contest." That explains a lot.
And Esther is such a ravishing rubber white woman! No wonder King Ahasuerus was so eager to marraige her.

SOME LINKS FOR YOU:
1. Dear Benedict Cumberbatch: I take it back. You’re prettier when you don’t talk.
2. Why fiscal austerity is an even worse idea than you thought it was.
3. Funny.
4. Useful.
5. Cdesign Proponentsism and You
6. Clem hates the fags! Clem hates the fags so much. Clem is not a-goin’ to wear no faggy purple clothes jest bekase sum fags killed thereselfs! (NOTE: That is a direct quote.) (NOTE: Clem is on the school board in a town in Arkansas.) (NOTE: The comments are amazing.)
7. Every 11-year-old boy in the world and I just leapt out of our computer chairs and made a wheezy lap around the living room.

That is all.


* I have some kind of very exciting hormone thing happening. It is almost like puberty, only even more awful. So far, my GP has diagnosed me with a horrible vitamin D deficiency (I have a prescription supplement), and I’m going on Monday for a thyroid uptake scan and then to an endocrinologist on the sixteenth. So, wish me luck, all right?

Comments

[starburns]

"Forced into the king’s harem" = "won a beauty contest."

Surprise, lucky contestant! You win... a life of sexual slavery!

Because although the bible is supposedly the legitimate word of God, it's okay to, like, gloss over the less pleasant parts. "Harems"? "Concubines"?! Why, that's just not Sunday school material! (Also... why is she white?)


6. Clem hates the fags!

Reading this story yesterday, I learned I still can, in fact, be shocked by things I read on the internet.

"thereselves"..."thereselves"..."thereselves"

...

(I was surprised by the comments on that post. I know not having perfect "standard" grammar and spelling doesn't necessarily make you stupid, but... but... we can agree that this guy is stupid, right? Can't we?)

[langwidere]

Why, that's just not Sunday school material!
You should see them trying to explain that part where Samson sets a bunch of foxes on fire because of God, and holiness, and revenge.

why is she white?
She is probably white because she is a true Christian. All true Christians are white. Especially Jesus.

I was surprised by the comments on that post.
I have decided that people can pretty much be fuckfaces for no reason about absolutely anything. It is our species’ birthright.

[starburns]

Foxies... ;_;


All true Christians are white. Especially Jesus.

Add a beard, and she could be Jesus.


people can pretty much be fuckfaces for no reason

I think those people's white middle-class guilt may have grown so large that it engulfed and devoured their brains.

[ohveda]

AHAHAHAHA. That old chestnut again. Because sexual arousal is a bad bad thing and nobody should ever succumb to it ever. Ever. Thanks Jesus.
My favourite part though, has to be:
Porn Kills
Has it happened to you
...I don't even know where to start on that one.

As for the Cumberbatch article, I am choosing to happily ignore it, because the source material is from The Sun, bleh bleh bleh, which does not have a good reputation when it comes to unbiased reporting.
I have heard Moffat's 'Sherlock's not gay, but if he was, he wouldn't fancy John' line before (probably from the same article, actually), but I have decided that Moffat and I must agree to disagree on that point. (Luckily, it seems like Mark Gatiss disagrees with him on that one too XD)

Hmm, that said, it's probably best if I don't show you this utterly confusing animation.

[ohveda]

Also: adorable fic rec

[langwidere]

SO ADORABLE!

SO, SO, SO ADORABLE!!

One of the best I’ve read. Besides yours, of course.

I am sort of puzzled by the badness of most Sherlock fic? It seems like most of the show’s fans are reasonably literate, so I don’t know why reading the fic often feels like traveling back in time to the Aestheticism fanfic archive c.1998.

And for some reason, many of them look as though they’ve been Britpicked with a clown shoe:
"View hallao, Sherlock, old boy," said John Watson, sitting down and opening a copy of Frazer’s The Golden Bough, which he loves, because he’s British. "I would be honoured if you would favour me with your colours."

"Hullo, John," said Sherlock, as he lolloped about in his trainers. "You are an idiot."

"You know how bloody beastly Sherlock can be when he hasn't had his weekly toad-in-the hole," Mrs Hudson explained, as she passed through on her way to post ten tonnes of hair tongs in the Royal Mail.

Etc.


So. Really liked it! Thank you. ♥

[ohveda]

Ah, it's all about the numbers. I reckon that in any fandom, about 30% of the fic is good stuff and 70% is bad. Because the Sherlock fandom is so large, that 70% equates to a lot of fics that you have to wade through.

Not that I do much wading, mind. I mostly wait until people rec good fics to me.

(I try not to get annoyed by the lack of Brit-picking. I tell myself that just because the author doesn't understand the intricacies of British tea-drinking, it doesn't mean that it's a bad fic. In fact, I've read quite a few fics that were enjoyable and had a few Brit-picking errors. I mean, God, if I tried to set a fic in the US, or anywhere else in the world for that matter, I would make far more mistakes myself. So I shouldn't judge. THAT'S WHAT I TELL MYSELF. Unfortunately, for all my good will, I can't help my inner pedant from sneaking up and making nasty comments every now and again orz)

[langwidere]

Well, you know, when Britpicking first became the done thing in the HP fandom, I was like, Wait, don’t we have about 94% of the English language in common with the United Kingdom? If you’re going to set a story in the UK, wouldn’t you just do your best to avoid obvious gaffes and write the things you know, and then add in researchable details later? But, I don’t think that really works all the time. There are things you can’t research.

I get annoyed with fic in which writers treat the UK like it’s some kind of theme park — as though your subways and bus systems are rides and your historical landmarks are tourist attractions. If the British were racially brown, we would call that "racism." Gross!

Not that I do much wading
I’m waiting for some kind of a slashfic masterlist organized by fetish or something. I stopped wading into Sherlock after I read one-third of a fanfic in which Sherlock and Lestrade actually held hands and giggled. HORRORS.

[langwidere]

Porn Kills
Well, I suppose technically porn could kill, in the sense that I could possibly smother to death under a pile of all my dirty Japanese comic books — but someone would have to sneak into my house while I was asleep and try to bury me under them without my noticing. So, I’m not too terribly worried.

Of course sexual arousal is evil! You should always deny your attractions toward other adult humans. Catholic priests all over the world have proved the truth of that statement. Over and over and over.

Ah, well. I didn’t know The Sun was a crap paper. I know to be leery of The Mail and The Telegraph (which even very non-British critics call The Torygraph), so I will add The Sun to the list. I don’t really mind all the "NOT GAY NOT GAY NOT GAY LALALA I CAN’T HEAR YOU" production wank; I was offended by Cumberbatch’s (apparent) suggestion that gay men aren’t "male," but that they are all "camp." And fabulous dressers, of course. That was horrid. But — if the source just copied & pasted his comments together in order to make something that looked like a cogent interview out of a bunch of scrap sound bites, then possibly he didn’t intend for those words to have anything to do with Sherlock’s sexuality. Maybe he was just giving his analysis of the character? Or something? Also, I cannot conceive of a world in which any British stage actor could be any kind of a homophobe, even a reflexive one :[

it's probably best if I don't show you this utterly confusing animation
So, this was my reaction, in order:
1.) What is Kirk Douglas in a top hat doing in this animation?
2.) "He has a posh name"? He does? I thought posh names looked like 'Huntington Buffington-Weatherington VII.' I thought he had a name like a Beatrix Potter character.
3.) Ham?
4.) Okay, ham!
5.) This is actually fairly hilarious.
6.) Brown-people fans in the background!
7.) Does it stop?
8.) It doesn’t stop.
9.) I don’t think I can turn it off.
10.) I can’t turn it off.
11.) It’s still playing.
12.) Right now!
13.) THE END

[ohveda]

Catholic priests all over the world have proved the truth of that statement. Over and over and over.
Hahahahaha <3

Yes, whether that was Mr Cumberbatch's sentiment or not, I don't know. I think it's a worryingly common assumption that gay men somehow can't be 'male' so it could, sadly, be true. I found it a bit uncomfortable in the Great Game actually, where Sherlock deduces that Jim is gay because he can see his underwear. No. No. Sherlock, what are you doing? Thank god he was actually basing it on the fact that Jim left him his number. I hope.

A NICE PLATE OF HAM :D
He does have a posh name. A very posh name. I think it could be possible to be not posh and have a surname like Cumberbatch, but what really does it is the Benedict. Working-class people are not called Benedict.
I actually had to try really hard to persuade my Dad to watch the show. He was all 'WHY ARE ONLY POSH PEOPLE ON TV, I DON'T WANT TO WATCH A SHOW WITH POSH PEOPLE IN IT.' Luckily, I got through to him in the end, but it was a close-run thing.

[langwidere]

Sherlock deduces that Jim is gay because he can see his underwear
In the US, there is an elderly fad in which gangstaz (and suburban faux-gangstaz) hang the waistbands of their designer underwear over the tops of their gigantic, baggy trousers — but honestly, the rappers moved on in 2006 and only doofuses do that now. I just assumed visible underpants was some UK gay-subculture thing. But, now I know it was actually insulting! Good for me :[

A very posh name
This is not an American thing. Unless you’re something like "Jimmy-Joe Johnson" or "Shaniqua Jones," your name probably doesn’t signify. (Probably.)

Is Sherlock posh? I never thought about it before.

[ohveda]

Well, at least they had John pull Sherlock up on it: 'You think he's gay because he puts product in his hair?' What are you on, Sherlock? Good old John. (I have no idea what they were going for in this scene. Maybe trying to show that Sherlock uses stereotypes to make his assumptions about people? I don't know.)

Sherlock, though, is very posh (and by posh, I mean middle class). Sherlock and Benedict both, actually.

Accent and name aside, you can tell that Benedict is posh from the following information on wikipedia:
Cumberbatch was educated at two independent schools: first at Brambletye School in West Sussex, and then at the prestigious Harrow School in northwest London, where he began performing as an actor. After graduation, he took a gap year to teach English in a Tibetan monastery.
- Public school? Harrow? Tibetan monastery? It all screams middle class to me.

And Sherlock? Well. You can tell that Sherlock is posh for a number of reasons:

a) The name. The name. Now, while it would be very odd for someone to be called Sherlock in 2010, back in ACD's day, I doubt it would have been that odd at all. It seems like there was a fad amongst the upper and middle classes in Victorian times to give people utterly ridiculous names. And they are all ridiculous because they are surnames that have been commandeered as first names. Often the mother's maiden name was given to the son as a first name or middle name; this is usually because the mother came from a well-to-do family and they wanted to show off the connection. It could also be a grandmother's maiden name, or even the father's surname. I once came across a 19th century guy in letter who was called Barned Lewis-Barned. I kid you not.

b) The accent. Accents are very telling and Sherlock's is very Received Pronunciation. As soon as he opens his mouth, you realise that he is of a certain class, or at least pretending to be.

c) The clothes. Those suits don't come cheap you know. Also. Suits. All the time. Sherlock obviously doesn't know the meaning of smart-casual XD

d) Ok. Well, Sherlock's attitude is probably far more him just being Sherlock than a class thing. But he does give off an aura of arrogance and being rather high-and-mighty.

e) Mycroft. Mycroft is even more posh than Sherlock. The clothes have something to do with it, and the umbrella! But mostly, this is all in the accent. I love the way Mark Gatiss does his accent, actually; it's all very clipped and enunciated vowels and proper.

f) There are other hints around. We gather from Sebastian that Sherlock went to Oxbridge (which, of course, doesn't close it's doors to people of a poorer background, but it is traditionally associated with richer students). And then there's the part where Sherlock and Mycroft have their little argument at the end of A Study in Pink and they talk about 'upsetting Mummy'; calling your mother 'Mummy', especially as a grown man, is very posh.

I think John sums it up nicely in his blog:
He was certainly arrogant and really quite rude and he looks about 12 and he's clearly a bit public school and, yes, I definitely think he might be mad but he was also strangely likeable. He was charming.
- a bit public school. More than a bit, probably.

I think maybe I had a point somewhere, but mostly I seem to have just wanted to go on and on about Sherlock for ages. Good God. The show aired ages ago and I'm still swept up in it WHAT IS GOING ON.

[langwidere]

There are a couple of things, here:
1.) "Middle class" doesn’t mean the same thing to you that it means to me, apparently. Which explains a lot. In the US, "middle class" = medium-income white collar jobs & high-income blue collar jobs, kids in ballet/karate/baseball/football, SUV, any kind of accent (including regional dialects), one European vacation, one Mexico vacation, Nordstrom’s/Macy’s, state college/small private college, probably retardedly politically conservative, possibly religious, owns a nice-ish sub-McMansion they can barely afford, etc. In the UK, "middle class" = wealthy, went to an Oxbridge Institution, fancy accent, not religious, lives in third-world country bearing the white man’s burden teaching the savages indigenous population English, liberal, fancy apartment, urban? I’m guessing? In this country, that’s "rich." Um. I read this really irritating article months and months ago, in which the actor who played Baldrick in Blackadder whined that Stephen Fry et al. were too 'middle class.' And I was like, Whut? But at least they made it to Oxford on scholarships! They must not be too bad! But now I know he was accusing Fry & etc. of being horrible snobs. (Was he?)
2.) …They actually teach you how to talk?
3.) Are there middle class black people in the UK?
4.) I have a really thick Appalachian patois.
5.) I was sort of shocked by most of your bullets. I never thought about Sherlock communicating his status via his clothing. I guess I thought… he just really likes suits? I am rather dumb, I guess.
6.) "Barned Lewis-Barned" is maybe the best name ever.
7.) I can recognize a handful of UK accents:
  a.) Gandalf
  b.) Parminder Nagra’s sister in Bend It Like Beckham
  c.) An accent which I think is Northern English which is probably not Northern English
  d.) Hagrid
  e.) Michael Caine
  f.) I’m afraid that’s about it
8.) I didn’t really notice that Mark Gatiss and Benedict Cumberbatch had different accents. I did notice that sometimes Cumberbatch sounded like Alan Rickman, though. Can I get some points for that?
9.) calling your mother 'Mummy', especially as a grown man, is very posh Really?
10.) I am entertaining a horrible suspicion that "public school" does not mean the same thing in the UK that it means in the US. In the US, public schools are the worst — because they are often plagued by violence and a lack of standards and funding, we are always babbling about how our public schools are "failing" their students. I gather this is possibly not a big problem in England?
11.) I know from crossword puzzles that Winston Churchill went to Harrow. It is a big deal to go there, then?
12.) WHAT IS GOING ON Despite the fact that Conan Doyle was not what you might think of as a brilliant prose stylist, Sherlock Holmes somehow emerged from his stories as one of the world’s greatest fictional characters. This version, I think, really captured Sherlock’s essence, in a way that nothing has since Jeremy Brett played him in the 90s — Benedict Cumberbatch’s Sherlock is completely different from Brett’s, but I think they’re both complimentary and essential. It’s a stellar adaptation, despite its flaws, and a really good show on its own terms.

Whew~! Long comment is long! (Sorry.)

[ohveda]

1) Middle Class can mean many things in Britain, and for a lot of people middle class means a similar thing to what you've describe for the US: people who don't do manual labour but who aren't super-rich either. You get people talking about lower middle class and upper middle class (no-one talks about middle middle class though. Strange.) As someone who has been to university and works behind a desk and occasionally eats cous-cous, I could class myself as middle class (lower middle, maybe, but still middle).

But in Britain there is also a traditional meaning (which is maybe falling slightly out of favour these days). This meaning is basically that middle class = rich. Middle class people often own property, go to public school and university and enter a profession. What separated the middle classes from the upper classes, back in the day, was that upper class people did not work for a living; it would have been horrifically unthinkable for an upper class man to have a job. This means that all the wealthy people who did work (doctors, lawyers, brokers etc) were middle class.

When I was talking about Sherlock being middle class, I was using the traditional sense of the term. And I'm pretty sure that that's what Baldrick was using too.

2) I have no idea why received pronunciation is called received pronunciation. Most people nowadays aren't taught how to talk. However, back in the day, if you wanted to better yourself, then you would probably try to get rid of your regional accent by learning to speak with received pronunciation. (Mostly because received pronunciation is the accent of the rich; if you didn't have it, then people looked down on you). This is why, in the early-mid 20th century, all the people on the BBC sounded so, well, BBC.
Luckily, nowadays, people are far more accepting of regional accents, so you don't have to change your accent to go far, not even if you want to be on TV. Accent is still generally a big indicator of class though.

3) There might be some middle class black people (in the traditional sense of the term), but if there are then they are few. The class system is inherently predjudiced.

4) I don't know what an Appalachian patois sounds like, but cool!

5) Well, I think a large part of it is Sherlock just liking suits. Very few posh people nowadays would wear suits all the time, and people who wear suits every day are not necessarily posh. But with the obvious expense of Sherlock's wardrobe, it does suggest that he's a little on the richer side.

6) I feel sorry for the poor boy. I don't even know how to pronounce Barned.

7) That's ok. My own knowledge of American accents is pitiful. I know Southern and Brooklyn and then I group everything else under the banner of 'general American accent', even the Canadians! (Yes, I am embarrassed about my shortcomings.)

8) Well, the difference in accent between Mycroft and Sherlock is very slight. You do get points for Alan Rickman though! From what I've heard, Benedict Cumberbatch prides himself on his Alan Rickman impersonation (1:21 minutes in http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZG0F2rnKS08)
I could listen to Alan Rickman all day and someone once described Benedict Cumberbatch as sounding like a jaguar trapped in a cello, so it's good all round if you ask me.

9) I don't know why this is, but yes, 'Mummy' is posh. I can imagine them being brought up by a Nanny too, with Mummy at arm's length, but that's my own flight of fancy.

10) Like everything else over here, when it comes to schools, we get everything arse-backwards. In the UK, 'Public School' equates to what you in the US would call 'Private School'. Over here, the vast majority of people go to state-funded schools, which are free. But if you have enough money, then you can pay to send your kids to public school instead. (Of course, some lucky kids can get scholarships to go to public school without having to pay). The traditional public schools are stereotypically boarding schools, with all their special quirks like funny uniforms, strange customs, fagging and cold showers (think Harry Potter or Tom Brown's Schooldays). To get some idea of public school, I would highly recommend reading Stephen Fry's autobiography, Moab is my Washpot, or watching the film, If... Of course, having never been to public school myself, I'm only going by stereotypes.

11) When it comes to public schools, Harrow is up there with the big guns. It's not quite as posh as Eton (which is probably the most posh out of all of them), but it's definitely up there.

12) :D I'm glad there's a reason for my enthusiasm. It might not explain the fanart of Sherlock with cat ears though, but no-one need ever know about that one.

13) You don't need to complain about long comments! I like long comments! <3

[langwidere]

I am so sorry for not replying to your awesome comment sooner! DreamWidth didn’t send me a notification of it, and I only just now saw it because I’m trying to change my layout. Balls. Sorry :[

This was a fascinating UK Class System primer; thank you very much for answering all of my insipid questions. I learned everything I know about 'traditional' British culture from old episodes of Jeeves & Wooster, so these things were mostly a surprise to me. I had visions of a "middle class" Stephen Fry sitting in some kind of vulgar, over-decorated, acrylic faux-castle, Twittering away on twelve iPads with a mermaid-shaped fountain in the foyer and a corndog-making machine in the kitchen. And I thought, Oh, but that’s so adorable! Why would anyone hold that against him?

Knowledge is power!

In the US, we also use the term "middle class" to mean "appallingly conservative/materialistic/old-fashioned," so there’s another layer of whut? to toss on the pile. (But I think I sort of get it now.) (I think.)

An 'Appalachian patois,' arhar, is "talking like a hillbilly." The other day my mother called me and told me they had produced magic TiVos that can edit out commercials for you, and that these magic TiVos have been on the market for the last ten years, and I said: "Awwww! I hain’t never heard-tell a’sich a thang!" On the other hand, I have a totally accent-free voice that I use for work (and school, back in the day). Mummy tells me she always knows when I’m at a tutoring appointment when she calls me, because I sound "uptight and white." So, sadly enough, I guess I kind of get where England is coming from with the accents.

Sherlock was so strong and naturalistic a character that I didn’t really react to him as if he were fictional at all — I treated him sort of like a person. I didn’t think to question his habits or his style or any of the dozens other things that you analyze when you’re picking apart a character. But, now I can kind of see Sherlock forgoing a food budget so that he can get his suits tailored. Aw! Cute!! Sherlock may be fancy, but he can’t be all that rich, can he? I mean, he did have to get a roommate.

Cutest video ever! Thanks for the link! I would’ve chopped my fingers off, if I were him. I put onions in one of those horrible infomercial things to dice them. Also, that is a very awesome Alan Rickman impersonation he has there. It’s much better than mine.
(I refuse to believe that Cumberbatch is a homophobe, even a very little one, and I will continue to cling to the idea that he was misquoted unless he is actually involved in a hate crime.)

I am definitely going to read anything called Moab Is My Washpot. Definitely! It is going on the list tonight.
My stereotypes of public schools (and how weird is that? that is very weird! I thought they were called "public schools" because they were non-religious) mostly come from things like The History Boys. Eeheeheeehee!

When the very first Harry Potter movie came out years and years and years ago, when I was but a slip of a girl and all the world was young, I read this enraged essay a British fan wrote complaining that they’d made Movie Hogwarts on the model of Eton. And I was like, Haha! "Eton"! What a funny name! What is that?

the fanart of Sherlock with cat ears though
WHAT FANART OF SHERLOCK WITH CAT EARS THIS IS A VERY VALID ARTISTIC CONCEIT DATING BACK TO THE 16TH CENTURY AND THE KABUKI THEATER WHERE IS IT PLEASE THANK YOU?

I have always been really fascinated by English literature — in my opinion, it’s the best in the world, and there’s nothing like it anywhere (in a positive way) — but I’ve always just glossed over or ignored anything I found in it that put me off. So, I’m very ignorant of many things, even things that I should’ve known just from books. Like, say, "Eton." I think I’ve definitely run on that one, once or twice.

I should probably do something about that, actually.

But, thank you again. This is my cutest emoticon: ☆〜（ゝ。∂）

[ohveda]

Sherlock may be fancy, but he can’t be all that rich, can he? I mean, he did have to get a roommate.
I like to think that Sherlock could easily have money if he wanted (a lot from Mycroft most likely), but he turns the money down because he's too proud and stubborn to take it. I imagine that Mycroft has to do an elaborate sort of 'Sherlock! Look over there!' and then transfer the money into Sherlock's bank account while his back is turned.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Eton_College
I don't know much about Eton and I've never been there, but I hear it's super posh. Prince William and Prince Harry both went to Eton, as did David Cameron, so that should give you some idea of exactly how posh it is.

And as requested. It's a bit wonky because I hadn't drawn anything in ages, but, um...

[langwidere]

NOT WONKY! SO CUTE!!!!! I’M ATTACHING THIS TO AN E-MAIL WHICH I WILL SEND TO MARK GATISS AND THAT OTHER GUY WHO SEEMS A LITTLE SMARTER BUT WHOSE NAME I CAN NEVER REMEMBER, RE: SEASON 2. BECAUSE IF WE’RE GOING TO HAVE TO SUFFER THROUGH THE DEPREDATIONS OF AN 'UPDATED' IRENE ADLER, WE MIGHT AS WELL BE COMFORTABLE.

Um, thank you. Otherwise.

SO ADORABLE!!!!!

[ohveda]

Ahaha. Glad you liked it! I drew it to try to persuade a friend that she has to write a Sherlock/Loveless crossover that she has in mind, if only because Sherlock with ears needs to happen! (Whether the ears are real or fake, of course, is up to interpretation.)