and to all a good night
Dec. 25th, 2010 05:39 am
visions of sugarplums
Dec. 21st, 2010 06:56 amONCE UPON A TIME, when I was first into Jonathan Strange & Mr Norrell five or so years ago, I went, like, fullmetal Yorkshire for several consecutive months. This was very tragic, but also hilarious, so good times, kind of. When I was Yorkshiring to beat the band, I made a kind of cake called a "lardy cake," which I read in a book somewhere people in Yorkshire used to eat a lot during the 19th century. Probably not, whatever. Not important. The important part is that, despite the fact that lard is the most disgusting substance known to man, lardy cake is really, really delicious. So, I made many lardy cakes, and then (coincidentally?) I got really, really sick, found out I couldn’t eat wheat, and cried a lot because I am a sissyass-baby lady who really likes pasta. Since then, I have found equally good or even better replacements for most of the foods I used to like (especially pasta!), but no matter what I could not make a gluten-free lardy cake. My first attempt was appropriated by the Department of Defense for use in counter-terrorism measures, because it was dense enough to qualify as a murder weapon. My next three attempts fell apart. The next one tasted like sand with dried fruit in it. After that, I made one that was so sticky that it appeared to have been mixed together with glue. I made several more attempts, all of which were memorably inedible for different but very heart-breaking reasons. Then I gave up (and cried a little bit). Then, just last week, my mother said: "Maybe the problem is the way you’re baking it? Gluten-free baked goods don’t usually do well in deep, narrow baking pans." And I thought: HALLELUJAH! YOU HAVE A POINT THERE, MOM! And then I got out a couple of gluten-free cookbooks, mixed up some recipes, and invented these things.
They are lardy cupcakes.
CAVEAT #1: Possibly you should not take dietary advice from a person whose vitamin D level was recently 9? (Out of 40-50.)
CAVEAT #2: I have made, like, sixty-three batches of the lardy cupcakes in the last two weeks. I even made a "vegetarian" version with Crisco, soy yoghurt, and egg replacer for my little teenage cousins, who have recently become obstreperous vegetarians. These will work with any kind of fat that is solid at room temperature, including (probably) coconut oil. Also, they are not very good for you. Just saying.
CAVEAT #3: These cupcakes contain oat flour, which doesn’t give me trouble — even my mother, who has a hardcore wheat allergy (her airways begin swelling shut the minute she eats even a little wheat) can eat these — but it might bother you, especially if you are a true celiac. If you can’t eat oats, any other robust, crunchy gluten-free grain would probably work, but I haven’t tested any others yet.
CAVEAT #4: These are not proper lardy cakes, which are not iced and which are actually a kind of yeast bread.
( Recipe & photos below cut! )
If you have a wheat- or gluten-intolerant friend or relative who has resigned her or himself to eating only plain chocolate and candy canes at Christmas, and you make that person these cupcakes, they will, I promise, suddenly like you a whole lot more. Possibly they will even attempt to have you canonized. The world looks like a much happier place when viewed from behind a Christmas cupcake :]
They are lardy cupcakes.
CAVEAT #1: Possibly you should not take dietary advice from a person whose vitamin D level was recently 9? (Out of 40-50.)
CAVEAT #2: I have made, like, sixty-three batches of the lardy cupcakes in the last two weeks. I even made a "vegetarian" version with Crisco, soy yoghurt, and egg replacer for my little teenage cousins, who have recently become obstreperous vegetarians. These will work with any kind of fat that is solid at room temperature, including (probably) coconut oil. Also, they are not very good for you. Just saying.
CAVEAT #3: These cupcakes contain oat flour, which doesn’t give me trouble — even my mother, who has a hardcore wheat allergy (her airways begin swelling shut the minute she eats even a little wheat) can eat these — but it might bother you, especially if you are a true celiac. If you can’t eat oats, any other robust, crunchy gluten-free grain would probably work, but I haven’t tested any others yet.
CAVEAT #4: These are not proper lardy cakes, which are not iced and which are actually a kind of yeast bread.
( Recipe & photos below cut! )
If you have a wheat- or gluten-intolerant friend or relative who has resigned her or himself to eating only plain chocolate and candy canes at Christmas, and you make that person these cupcakes, they will, I promise, suddenly like you a whole lot more. Possibly they will even attempt to have you canonized. The world looks like a much happier place when viewed from behind a Christmas cupcake :]
BORED. BORED. BORED!
From Noki: BAHAHAHAHA! Now Little Buddha will finally have some competition! (I used to own Little Buddha on VHS, incidentally.)
This is America, son! Where all the illiterate assholes are free — as assholes, and maybe, all creatures should be.
OH OH ALMOST FORGOT: SPEAKING OF WHICH. YAY! Fucking finally.
From Noki: BAHAHAHAHA! Now Little Buddha will finally have some competition! (I used to own Little Buddha on VHS, incidentally.)
This is America, son! Where all the illiterate assholes are free — as assholes, and maybe, all creatures should be.
OH OH ALMOST FORGOT: SPEAKING OF WHICH. YAY! Fucking finally.
doctor livingstone, i presume?
Nov. 8th, 2010 11:04 pmGUESS WHAT GUESS WHAT I DO NOT HAVE THYROID CANCER!!! YAAAAAAAAY!!!!!!
I do, however, have (moderate?) hyperthyroidism. I will go to an endocrinologist next week to be treated, and then hopefully my crap symptoms will all go away (like right now: kind of dizzy).
I celebrated by having fish sticks and macaroni and cheese with Velveeta on it for dinner, accompanied by two cherry cream sodas and followed by two giant chocolate chip cookies from the overpriced organic bakery sandwiched together with half a jar of Nutella. All of which had wheat in them (maybe not the Nutella or soda). I am going to be sick for a week, but WORTH! IT!!
Anyway, my doctor is awesome. I just started with her in September, after not being able to get into see my old GP, and in two months she did what my other doctors should’ve been doing for years. By which I mean: She diagnosed me with a condition other than "frustrated emotional youngish woman in desperate need of many expensive anti-depressant prescriptions" for which I can be treated. (I have had ongoing hormone-related issues for ages.)
Sandman post later! Speaking of ongoing hormone-related issues!
I do, however, have (moderate?) hyperthyroidism. I will go to an endocrinologist next week to be treated, and then hopefully my crap symptoms will all go away (like right now: kind of dizzy).
I celebrated by having fish sticks and macaroni and cheese with Velveeta on it for dinner, accompanied by two cherry cream sodas and followed by two giant chocolate chip cookies from the overpriced organic bakery sandwiched together with half a jar of Nutella. All of which had wheat in them (maybe not the Nutella or soda). I am going to be sick for a week, but WORTH! IT!!
Anyway, my doctor is awesome. I just started with her in September, after not being able to get into see my old GP, and in two months she did what my other doctors should’ve been doing for years. By which I mean: She diagnosed me with a condition other than "frustrated emotional youngish woman in desperate need of many expensive anti-depressant prescriptions" for which I can be treated. (I have had ongoing hormone-related issues for ages.)
Sandman post later! Speaking of ongoing hormone-related issues!