some unholy war

[langwidere]

It transpires that I was somewhat busy this week, so no Sherlock for you. (Also I lost my Sherlock links; I’m pretty sure they’re around here someplace, though, cough.) Next week!

Instead, I submit to you these articles of wank, which I’ve been saving for Valentine’s Season:











1. Ew. I am not judging the book, which looks just as stupid and boring as every other book on this topic — but, I am a little worried about the ad copy, which seems to think that I am romantically desperate, fourteen, and possessed of a very short attention span.
2. Double ew. I am choosing to believe that this one is guerilla satire.

So remember, girls: Stay away from obscenely over-processed, prepackaged junk food/poison and try to maintain a strong, healthy, and athletic physique so that you will be appealing to "boys." (What "boys"? Where are these "boys"? Who are they? Presumably they are Morris Chestnut and Thelma & Louise Brad Pitt.) Because on the fucking internet it’s 1954, and the greatest psychological wound a woman could ever receive is failing to be regarded by strangers as a sex symbol. I know that these people are probably teenagers or in their very early twenties, and therefore biologically obligated to be retarded, but I am kind of offended that their obvious and twatty desire to be fap-objects is being treated as though it is an up-with-diversity, feminist grievance. Ugh. UGH.

Also I am not completely sure that any little girl would ever independently decide that she had to look like Barbie, who resembles a barrel-chested, tanned praying mantis, in order to be loved. Nor am I convinced that little boys find Barbies sexually attractive, yuck. I think that, left to their own devices, most little kids would just want to chew on Barbie’s rubbery feet. That’s what I remember doing with Barbie, most of the time.

And you aren’t allowed to be upset when your nicotine-inflected, drunk boyfriend cheats on you anymore? Really? Like, really? Because that’s going to be #16 on my 'Why Couldn’t You Make Me A Lesbian Like I Wanted, God? You Couldn’t Just Do That One Thing, Could You?' list.

My links are pretty weak-assed, too:
1. A Wonkette Reagan Beans thing. I know, but the comments are pretty funny.
2. An inspiring D.L. Hughley quote, via constantly-hysterical, horny, semi-literate Australian drama queen Yimmy Yayo (he does post some great landscape/historical/animal photos, though).
3. A deeply pathetic NYT article about the "bias" that exists against "conservatives" in the humanities. HAHAHAHAHA.

I’ll do better next time, coach!

Comments

[starburns]

AAAAAAAAAUGH.

Anyone who thinks that eating disorders are caused solely, or even primarily, by a desire to be pretty for "boys", is a very stupid person.


I chewed on Barbie's feet too!

[langwidere]

Anyone who thinks that eating disorders are caused solely, or even primarily, by a desire to be pretty for "boys", is a very stupid person.
HEY YEAH, THAT TOO!!!

(To be fair, I don’t think that most people — including me — have any idea whatsoever what eating disorders are caused by, because we find them frightening and don’t want to know and also most people are intellectually lazy cowards, so probably a wink’s as good as a nod to a blind horse.)

Actually, when I saw that one post — that 'Barbie-pressure' thing — I sat in front of my computer contemplating the thought that I drag myself out to exercise every single fucking day, sometimes with my knees and back aching so badly that I want to jump off a bridge, despite wooziness and dizziness and nausea sometimes, and sometimes with a fever or random pains in my jaw or shoulders that make me want to scream (not to mention the fact that I surgically inspect every item of food that I eat to ensure that it won’t cause a flare in one or all of my various auto-immune diseases) because OBVIOUSLY, OBVIOUSLY, I OBVIOUSLY yearn to be LIKED!!! by "BOYS." I was, like, blinded with fury. CLEARLY THE ONLY REASON A WOMAN WOULD EVER PURSUE THE GOAL OF TOTAL HEALTH WOULD BE TO HAVE MANY BOYFRIENDS AND GET HOOTED AT BY CONSTRUCTION WORKERS. NATURALLY, OF COURSE.

I mean, health looks different on every body, which is a point that cannot be overemphasized — especially to adolescent girls whose changing bodies probably alarm them with regularity. But to characterize that desire to be healthy and to feel good as a perversion of some kind of fundamental female need to be attractive… ROAR. Also I liked the characterization of the deeply dysfunctional American diet as "[we] like to eat pizza every now and then," um, what? Okay!

So, I sort of started collecting other examples of heterofail in order to devise a uniform theory of wangst for Valentine’s Day. "Dear Men: All women are starving to death physically because we are starved for your love metaphorically, and we don’t mind how badly you treat us as long as you set our hearts on fire with passion and tolerate our creepy neediness and our love handles, which we hate but are helpless to work off because we don’t have the time and like pizza. Sincerely, The Ladies." Ta-da!

I chewed on Barbie's feet too!
They were satisfyingly chewy!

I love your icon.

[starburns]

No, you're right, that was too strong a statement. Not knowing the exact causes and manifestations of any particular mental disorder doesn't make anyone "stupid". In fact, if there's no reason for you to know, you'd probably have a lot more fun learning about something else.

It does bother me, though, when people who clearly do not know what they're talking about try to delegate blame for eating disorders on superficial crap like "being pretty for boys" or "wanting to look like a model". It does a huge disservice to people who are struggling with real eating disorders, in part because it makes the problem seem deceptively shallow, and because leads to comments like, "boys don't like girls who are that skinny! you don't need to lose any more weight!" Or, even worse, when someone is in recovery, telling them that they look "better" now that they've "healthier". (Comments like this are hugely unhelpful, particularly the latter--even thought it's often true--because most people with an ED will only hear this as "I can tell you've gained weight.") People with eating disorders aren't stupid, and anyone who's dealt with one for any extended period of time knows that "starving yourself" wont make you look good. When you're almost 30 lbs. underweight and can see every vein roping around your arm like an extension cord, you know it doesn't look "good". Not to you, and not to anyone else.

(I know a lot of slim ladies who "like to eat pizza every now and then". Not just ones with crazy lighting metabolisms, either. If someone doesn't think they can ever eat pizza without gaining weight, then--surprise!--they probably don't have a very healthy attitude toward food.) (Obviously, I don't have a historically stellar attitude toward food. But I'm also not blaming that on "teenage boys". Or anyone, really.)

But, yes: it's very weird and belittling to imply that the only reason a girl/woman might want to practice health habits (or lose weight, if that's their goal) is to be considered attractive... by, like, everyone? Every guy out there? I understand wanting to be considered attractive by someone you're actively trying to fuck (or date, or whatever), but just... people in general? "Guys", collectively? Why should that matter? Like it's of vital importance for me to walk down the street, causing traffic accidents and spontaneous proposals of marriage with my conventional "hotness".

I do think there might be a valid message hidden somewhere in there; about how our society so often treats sexual attention as the most valuable form of approval a woman can receive from a man. That calling a girl "fat" or "ugly" is considered the the absolute most cutting thing you can say to her. That all the accomplishments, intelligence, talent, charisma, and humor in the world don't really matter, if she's not also conventionally attractive. But if that's the intention, then it's... really poorly worded.

[langwidere]

that was too strong a statement. Not knowing the exact causes and manifestations of any particular mental disorder doesn't make anyone "stupid".
Actually, in this particular case I was attempting to cover my own insensitive ass rather than excuse the (hopefully) idiot child who made the post in the first place, but, you know — attempting to attach your own personal insecurities to a medical condition you don’t even have is kind of an awful thing to do, no matter how old you are.

It does a huge disservice to people who are struggling with real eating disorders
This is very true. It’s like suggesting that Generalized Anxiety Disorder or agoraphobia is caused by girlish weakness or feminine hysteria, oh wait.

Not to you, and not to anyone else.
I’ve struggled a lot with my weight — in both directions — but I quite literally can’t imagine how terrible that must feel. I’m so sorry you had to go through it, honestly, and I can’t believe how clear and open you are about discussing it. Like, if someone asked me to explain the rationale behind my recent encounters with anxiety, I’m not sure I would have anything to add more helpful than: BAWWWWWWWWW!!! BAW. BAWBAWBAW!! BAW! MOMMY.

If someone doesn't think they can ever eat pizza without gaining weight, then--surprise!--they probably don't have a very healthy attitude toward food.
This is also very true. I have a horrible attitude toward food, myself. Mostly I want to punch it, because I can’t eat it. But I want to eat it! I mean, my palpable glee at being able to make myself gluten-free Christmas cupcakes was sort of unseemly, if I do say so myself. Most of the time, I tend to characterize food as "hurts me" or "doesn’t hurt me," which is a little weird, because obviously the food is not intending to do me bodily harm, but sometimes it feels that way. And then I want to punch it! But I’m sad, because I want to eat it, too! No fair, food! It is probably very sad that having a terrible attitude toward food is such a common thing, here in this great and prosperous corn syrup and batter-encrusted nation of ours.

I do think there might be a valid message hidden somewhere in there; about how our society so often treats sexual attention as the most valuable form of approval a woman can receive
Oh, no, that’s absolutely true! Conventional beauty changes from era to era and is a lame and unreliable means of assessing even fictional characters, let alone real living humans. I mean, look at the firestorms of rage that greet the average, perfectly-beautiful Mary Sue character in fandom! Everybody wants to kill her, and her changeable violet eyes. But many adult women see absolutely no problem with comparing themselves unfavorably to the Photoshopped, un-anatomical Mary Sues that flop across magazine covers like sparkly, dead-eyed frogs. It’s total, late-stage insanity. I was just trying to call attention the fact that all these (hopefully!) adolescent girls are chiding "boys" for failing to look past their love handles and see what’s really inside their hearts — while simultaneously treasuring a hilariously unrealistic delusion about what romantic love should look and feel like, and how a potential partner should behave. They want to be loved for "who they are" — but only by Robert Pattinson, or maybe Colin Firth in jodhpurs. WAAAAAAAAARGH.