langwidere: a john uskglass pixelbuddy (i came to my enemies in a RAIN OF QTE)
So, I waitedwaitedwaited patientlypatientlypatiently for Apple to squeeeeeze out that new Mac Mini, and then it finally appeared! Last month! Hooray! I ordered it like this: CLICK! CLICK! CLICK! FAINT! And then it came, and it was the worst computer I have ever seen in my life. It appeared to have been assembled by a committee of those weird, embittered Mac-haters who used to troll Daring Fireball back when it allowed comments. It has no optical drive! The specs are weird! The only included monitor cable is three inches long and 100% useless unless applied to Apple’s new $999 screen! It has four USB ports! It is pointlessly tiny! Why is it so fucking tiny! It’s not like I’m going to be carrying it around! It’s supposed to be a desktop computer, isn’t it! You know, if it were slightly less tiny, you could’ve maybe fit a fucking superdrive in there, couldn’t you! Speaking of which, it has no software component! It relies upon the Magic of the Internet to back stuff up/repair problems, in the event of an inevitable (if you’re me) catastrophe! So let’s imagine a scenario in which I attempt the upload of my 450GB of pure binary shit onto some fantastic ephemeral Apple Data Cloud in the middle of the night as my computer gently weeps, and think of the many exciting new dirty words I will accidentally invent! And what happens when the system wakes up cranky one happy Sunday morning when I am supposed to be vetting thesis topics and it can’t find its start-up disk! Those nakedly grasping brilliant Apple engineers! What a bunch of fucking cards! They should just start selling branded computer cases and let us put the parts in ourselves!

Also, ALSO, I bought the ($77! At Amazon!) Apple-approved optical drive that was supposed to complete the Mini, Cameron Crowe-style, but it had such a short cord I couldn’t even plug it in. Well, I mean, I could plug it in, but it looked like this, and obviously I couldn’t exactly sit the fucker on top of the computer itself. (The wifi antenna-thing is still in the top of the case, right?) Also it ate up one of my four (4) (IV) available USB ports, leaving me with three (3) (III) open USB interfaces and approximately nineteen USB devices, including hubs. Really amazing cool idea, you guys.

MORE COMPUTER DRAMA: CUT FOR LENGTH )

Also, speaking of which, I have been trying to Write Something for the last nine days, and Things Are Not Exactly Going As Smoothly As Expected. So, rather than wangsting tenaciously over that (MY BRAIN CANNOT CONTINUE COCKBLOCKING ME FOREVER, CORRECT? I MEAN, EVENTUALLY AFTER MANY YEARS I WILL HAVE TO DIE OR SOMETHING?) I thought I would do that thing I do where I write strange long whiny ‘reviews’ of movies everybody else saw eighteen months ago. And that’s what I did: Ta-da!

I WATCHED PRETTY MUCH ANY NON-ROMCOM MOVIE I COULD FIND ON MY TEEVEE LAST MONTH, BUT MY FAVORITE WAS, SPOILERS, INCEPTION, MOSTLY BECAUSE OF THE STARTLING VERISIMILITUDE THAT POWERS ITS NARRATIVE (LET’S ACT LIKE POST-HYPNOTIC SUGGESTION IS SOME KIND OF TERRIFYING LOGISTICALLY-IMPOSSIBLE SCI-FI MANEUVER THAT NOBODY HAS EVER HEARD OF BEFORE, IT’LL BE FUN), AND NOT BECAUSE IT FEATURED A SUGARY ASSORTMENT OF PIPING-HOT SLICES OF MANPIE. THAT IS A TRUE STORY. AND ALSO NOT BECAUSE I THOUGHT LEONARDO DICAPRIO’S PERSISTENTLY IRRITATING CHARACTER WAS NAMED ‘DUMB COB,’ FOR A WHILE. THAT’S A TRUE STORY TOO. NOTE: CONTAINS NSFL MANGU PORN. )

That was really long! Probably I should post more often, so there’s less chance of these huge tumescent word-monsters escaping unchecked into the unwary wilderness.

Lastly: CONGRATULATIONS YOUR THIRTEE WON TOO!

Now I am going to go address my e-mail situation. (“HELLOOOOOO, E-MAIL SITUATION!”)

cf.

ETA: UGH THIS FUCKING POST. DID DREAMWIDTH'S HTML EDITOR SPONTANEOUSLY GROW SOME STANDARDS IN JULY OR SOMETHING?
langwidere: sailor moon, sailor mars, and sailor mercury (ラブリイー)
I had a very nice Christmas — I got a new baby Kindle, a Threadless teeshirt which is not overtly humiliating, and a giant amazing Hokusai book that I have been humping nonstop since I unwrapped it. So, during Christmas, I had the fun — but after Christmas I was forced, by the Politeness Monster (and also the Obligation Monster), to visit some of my adoptive father’s relatives, who somehow always manage to make me feel as though I am the Venus Hottentot and they are all positively astonished I can use my silverware so adeptly. This is no mean feat, considering the intensity of my personal dorkiness. (They are, on average, essentially the figures depicted in American Gothic; when my father’s father was alive, my father’s sister asked my mother to keep me away from him because my blackness made him "uncomfortable.") (Really!) (I didn’t find that out until a couple of years ago, because naturally Mom was too awesome to let something so stupid affect me at the age of eight.) (She did keep me away from the weird old idiot for clearly related reasons, however.)

I'm not getting you down at all, am I? Don't take it personal. I was the designated excuse-generator on this particular excursion; I agreed to accompany my father (who hates his family, of course) specifically in order to feign illness and get everybody out several hours early. I am the very soul of self-sacrifice! Don't I know it.

I watched some things!

Should I cut? It's pretty long; I’ll cut.

But everything you learn there will help when you return there. )

Hey, I am retarded and I like children's movies! I think that goes without saying, though. Adult movies are insultingly loud and misogynistic, or insufficiently full of Alan Rickman as Hwæt the pansermøøse, or boring pointless depressing love stories about long-dead dumb white people who wrote lovely poetry and made pretty hats but failed to notice that they were all going to die sooner or later anyway, so please stop crying already. I mean, come on, lady — what are you, a talking animal? Now, they have real problems.
langwidere: the everything is terrible logo (everything really is terrible)
Translating is really hard! Not the Japanese part; except for the fact that I am still looking up every fifth noun and every third adverb, and I’m still trying to contend with all the weird phonetic abbreviations (which I guess you just have to memorize, after you’re able to actually recognize them?), the Japanese language is a lot like Legos. Once you figure out how the blocks snap together, it’s not all that bad. It’s just the "forming the sometimes unrelated-looking fragments it into English" part that I’m not so good at. It’s like analyzing Shakespeare: shit could mean one or all of eight or ten different things, so you kind of just have to pick one and stick with it.

(I’m half-way done, though! Excitement!)
(But then I have to move onto comics! Terror!)

Let’s pour one out for my very last all-links post, ok? These are mostly election-related entries, so I wanted to post them before they become utterly irrelevant (instead of just "mostly irrelevant"):

» This is a pretty good summary of how badly Americans have fucked themselves in the face with this last election. (Post contains an icky and possibly NSFW image as a header.)
» This is a post about Stephen Fry quitting Twitter (again), but it is outstandingly memorable for the content of its comments. Like, you think you have seen assholes posting asshole things in blog comments before? You have not really seen assholes posting asshole things in blog comments before. These could win the blue ribbon in the Number One Asshole Blog Comments in the Universe Contest.
» Rick Warren is, in fact, a giant cunt.
» On the other hand, occasionally I am not totally humiliated by my nationality.
» On the other hand — and if I had three hands like Zaphod Beeblebrox — I would use it to punch America in the face.
» This is as clear a picture of what the American electorate wants as it is possible to take, I think.
» And, when you have an electorate as reality-savvy as that, this is the kind of trash that gets into office.
» On the "fun" side: A Harry Potter link featuring a Malfoy (who is not talking about what it looks like he’s talking about). These are fairly hard to come by, for some strange reason.
» Another batch of photos featuring a really good-looking Asian-American man. That is always grounds for celebration!
» Some dude made his basement walls into a Sharpie coloring book. Neat!

Lastly, check out [personal profile] seichan’s amazing Japan vacation photo album. Tons of really great shots! (I like this one best, I think. Very National Geographic.)

Sniffles. It was fun while it lasted, linkposts.
langwidere: a john uskglass pixelbuddy (i came to my enemies in a RAIN OF QTE)
I am always having really bright ideas for blog posts while I’m sitting around in the backs of cabs staring out the window or painstakingly explaining to one of my students, yet again, what a preposition is and why we do not end sentences with them when we are writing research papers (MIDTERMS!!), and then I log into DreamWidth and my brain goes: RIBBIT.

Currently I am entertaining the dramz, which I will describe in loving detail once I’ve dealt with them, but I did learn a valuable lesson: Do not ever attempt to edit a freshly-made translation while you are having a panic attack. It does not end well for anybody (especially the commas).

Also I am translating five or eight different comics for The Heart Goes Nine, which I am hoping to have online sometime in the Christmas/New Year’s tunnel. I know I said exactly the same thing last Christmas, but luckily for me I am a prize-winning procrastinator: Last Christmas, I did not have any idea what the fuck I was doing. My concept of "の" as a nominalizer did not exist, for example. I did not know that から, when it shows up after a て-form verb, means "after," etc. (If you don’t give a shit about Japanese, you should know that these things are, like, super-elementary stuff a tiny Japanese child would be embarrassed to hear from a kindergarten teacher.)

But, I am much better now! Now, I am only surprised by things like the fact that "ってゆうか," which is one of Japan’s many exciting quotacular postpositions, can be shortened to "つーか," especially if you have animal ears.

I still want to babble about Sherlock, which I am going to watch for possibly the fifth time this weekend on PBS, and I also have a colossal post about the newer wave of "licensed" manga — but right now: RIGHT NOW YOU GET LINKS!

» This guy is going to be Dirk Gently! Which is a little odd, given that Dirk Gently is supposed to be a short, rotund, ethnically Scandinavian man, and also Dirk Gently’s Holistic Detective Agency is utterly unfilmable, but don’t let that distract you from the fact that somebody is making a Dirk Gently movie!

» I was poking around Edroso’s archives last night because I was bored/flipping out, and I found this thing and loled for ten minutes.

» Benedict Cumberbatch said some words and then somebody wrote them down. This doesn’t happen enough.

» Google keeps taking The Song of Lunch off YouTube because, like the new Final Fantasy trailer, it is highly sought after by copyright-disregarding, record industry-bankrupting, adolescent digital pirates? Really? That’s an interesting idea, Google. I think you may have missed a memo somewhere. Anyway, here’s the trailer. NOTE: I downloaded The Song of Lunch off TPB, and it was horrible. Really horrible. Boring. Stupid. It wasn’t even a real poem, anyway; it didn’t rhyme and there were no shipwrecks or anything. Everyone is all, nobody has filmed a poem on teevee for like a million years! And I’m like, dude, there’s a reason for that. (And you know I would watch Emma Thompson and Alan Rickman stir spaghetti sauce for an hour with stars in my eyes, so it can’t be my fault.)

» We are T-minus 33 days until the deployment of something Susanna Clarke wrote into our mailboxes. Yes, it is an essay about Jane Austen novels, but desperation has lowered our standards considerably.

I also have a new, readable layout, which I got from here and did not edit like at all.

Next week, then?
langwidere: the statue of liberty (and her name mother of exiles)
All right. So, next week’s post is going to be very exciting (especially if you are my mom) — and also I am going to start posting links to people’s artwork and probably also photos of websites and books and stationery and plantstands and other stupid things that I like, because all the depressing newslinks are starting to annoy even me.

But, this week? This week I regret to inform you that Barack Obama is unfortunately basically George W. Bush with a crunchy chocolate coating. He would like to Patriot Act the shit out of your bittorrent and chat apps, and also he not only hired a cockhat who officially opposes the dismantling of DADT — he opposes it himself, using logic that would embarrass even conservative Ur-fucktard Ronald Reagan. Spying on your ass for freedom and stopping the spread of gh3y germs among our bravemenninwimmin in uniform: THAT’S OUR COMMANDER-IN-CHIEF!

I cannot believe I made the mistake of voting for this utter fucking dickbag. Not a mistake I will make again, I promise you!

In other news:
» Don’t mess with Texas 4chan.
» Emma Thompson is apparently also a 78-year-old man! It’s like we’re twins!
» HINT: It’s because they’re stuck in Ohio.

If you would like to become extremely depressed, here’s a synopsis of the events that led up to the death by suicide of Tyler Clementi. Personally? I would charge the ugly fucker responsible with manslaughter, and lock him up for a decade or so. Just long enough to completely frustrate his adorable personal narrative, and allow all of his dreams to be slowly, slowly crushed into a fine, snortable powder. But that’s just, you know. Me.

These people, on the other hand, deserve the firing squad.

In more cheerful and totally random news, here are some photographs of a stunningly beautiful Asian-American man named Daniel Henney.

Why are NYT article links so long? The BBC links aren’t that long.