i like cox.

Apr. 1st, 2011 03:28 pm
langwidere: a cintia dicker editorial (diet coke makes you beautiful)
I have some kind of gross stomach flu! Luckily, I am still on "spring break" (haha, it is snowing) so I can roll myself into the bathroom* as many times a day as I would like (I would not like to roll myself into the bathroom any times a day, to be honest) (well, maybe once a day). Disaster averted.

Also I have a very terrible new haircut. When my mother saw it, she said: "Oooo, it looks like you killed a rare and sacred bird and then put the carcass on your head!" I am still wondering, actively, whether or not she intended this comment to be a compliment. (It's just hair; I find these sorts of things merely annoying.)

Between the bathroom-rolls, I have spent all my time today watching a person called "Brian Cox" on the YouTube**. I first encountered Brian Cox at The Tinned Fruit Conundrum, as you do, and at the time I thought he was a cast member from Little Britain or something. In my defense, he is a physicist, and physicists are practically indistinguishable from comedians in nearly all applications. Also, I thought he was high. And wearing lipstick. I expected a man in a dress to come wandering into the scene and hit him in the face with a fish. Gradually I began to realize that he was a serious individual and probably neither actually really high nor wearing cosmetics, but instead of losing interest I somehow began to find him even more compelling. This is because I can't understand a word that comes out of his mouth (also he is incredibly good-looking and he has shiny black hair, two things which always help me to maintain my interest in anything). He smiles incessantly, for some reason, even when he is calling people fuckwits, so it is impossible to read his lips. His words have too many vowels, and not enough syllables. Trying to figure out what he's talking about is a process of discovery. I eventually realized, for example, that the often-repeated word "feeengz" means "things," because once I heard him apply the root "feeengh" to the prefix "nuff," to create the term "nufffeeengh," a cognate to the English word "nothing." This process is a million times more interesting than whatever dumb/boring space thing he is always blabbering about in inappropriately dramaturgical, Sherloquesque tones. ♥

Would you like to see some vaguely comical photos? )


* as you can see by the photos, I mean this literally

** What has happened to the YouTube today? I realize that the occasion of April 1 presents an utterly irresistible opportunity for asshats to promulgate sanctioned acts of blatant idiocy upon the internets, but I'm not quite understanding how the 1911 thing is supposed to be funny.
langwidere: aisling and pangur bán (you must go where i cannot)


langwidere: the everything is terrible logo (everything really is terrible)
EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!

Sum thots:
1. He looks a little bit like an actual Japanese person! Well, Gackt. But Gackt is technically a Japanese person! Technically!! TECHNICALLY!!
2. I am a little worried that we are headed into the Uncanny Valley with this shit.
3. It looks like maybe the silver-haired character is not a hyperfeminized ladyboy??
4. That music! :@
5. Where are Openly Gay Wolverine and Malibu River Phoenix?
6. That hair! :@
7. Was that David Thewlis driving the limo at the beginning?
8. The girl is pretty! So she is probably evil :<
9. Can you imagine how retarded the plot is going to be?
10. It sort of reminded me of the later, crappier Alien movies.
11. Oof.

I’m so bored! All my friends are too busy to play with me :[
I still haven’t sent out most people’s Christmas presents :]
Hmmmmm…

SUPER IMPORTANT ETA! ALSO, TOO. I am excited for this guy:



You know how I feel about imaginary men with long black hair and feathers. If he has a stupid accent, the site is already written.
langwidere: a cintia dicker editorial (diet coke makes you beautiful)
I can’t get my Kindle to work. Well, I mean, I can get it to work, but I don’t know what it’s doing. I have somehow managed to use it to purchase The Collected Works of Jane Austen, though, so that’s probably not a good sign.

I made this with IOGraph:



It is cool!

Here is a link to the sort of competent, even-handedly critical movie review I am incapable of producing — in this case, specifically because I had no idea any of this stuff was happening at any level of the text. Deep down in my doughty Amurrkin heart I honestly do not believe that there are now (nor were there ever) people in the world who are analogous to Malfoys. To me, the Malfoy family are figures of such uniquely baroque, decorative absurdity that I have little use for them beyond watching fan-authors play Barbie games with their dirty parts. Anyway, this essay is really, really excellent, and I even liked Cristopher Hitchens's linked review, which is nearly miraculous given its origins.

(Hitchens is the world-class dickhead/idiot who wrote that deplorable article in Vanity Fair about how women aren't funny, because of the Holy Uteri, or something, and horseshoe teeth. I later saw the interview he gave to Charlie Rose about his cancer/latest autobiography, and alas! He did not come off as the uncomplicated doucheface I was expecting to see. I mean, he is politically sophomoric, and he loves Tony Blair and he hates Bill Clinton and he believes in 'honor' [?] and in the notion that war is something the Big Boys simply must do when called upon by destiny to liberate the downtrodden, whether the downtrodden are into it or not, which aaaaaaaaaagh. Aaaagh, man. But! While I still would not want him on my Quiz Bowl team, I'm not as interested in seeing him publicly defenestrated.) (Also he is a famous and irascible atheist, which is kind of cute.)

This review, which describes and then demolishes the unwatchableness of the Watchmen movie, is also the sort of thing I am incapable of producing. Mostly because I lack, um — stamina? That's the one.

(I think that Watchmen is unfilmable because it is already more or less a dismantled movie, presented shot-for-shot in the guise of a comic book, and it can go just that far and no farther without becoming something very unlike itself — so "filming" Watchmen, as such, is a bit like trying to make a movie out of, like, real life crime-scene photos. Or this. It already happened!)

January is National Appreciate Some People Who Are Way Smarter Than You Month, though, so I thought it wouldn't hurt to show a little love.

Oh! Also, too — speaking of admirable smart people, Helen posted a new fic! It's alternative-universe baby Kirk/Spock, but I don't see why that should stand in the way of your enjoying it as much as I did.
FUN FACT: The very first slash fanfic I ever read, way back in, like, 1998, was Kirk/Spock. It was not quite so good as this one, let me tell you. I think they had sex, at one point, on the bridge. And giggling may have been involved (not mine) :[



SOME LINKS, JUST BECAUSE:
1. I would shank a bitch to get to see this. Arcadia is my favorite play.
2. Weird, but funny.
3. This Is My Taste In Women: Socially-acceptable proxies of naked WASPy teenaged boys, with freckles! Looking at that many photos of anemic, nekkid white chix will give you snowblindness, dude. Also: Gross!
4. SPEAKING OF WHICH: ALSO VERY FUNNY. THE END.

Now I'm going to stop posting every 48 hours and go back to the naked-man comics. Don't cry, don't cry! You'll ruin your make-up.

ETA: YAAAAAAAAY!! (h/t The Brit List)
langwidere: aisling and pangur bán (you must go where i cannot)
I don’t want to talk about Christmas right now, because it was a little depressing, and right now I am ENRAGED. WHY AM I ENRAGED, YOU ASK? WELL, THIS IS WHY. I THINK YOU DONE JUST SLAPPED ALL THE CUSSWORDS RIGHT OUT MY MOUTH, THE BBC. SHIT.

Here is a physical representation of my boredom, in HTML code, with musical numbers:
(It doesn't have musical numbers.)
Too bored to think up cut text. )

Lastly, many really awesome and apparently insane people visit my website!



In other news! IN OTHER NEWS, Legolas will appear in The Hobbit, which is only right and fitting given that part of the story takes place in Mirkwood, and he is the prince of that country. (Haha, I have been reading Narnia! Can you tell?) I am deeply alarmed by the fact that McKellen hasn’t signed on to be Gandalf again, however, and I will probably stampede later. All by myself. For great justice.

Please, man. Gandalf is the closest a dork will ever get to having a personal relationship with God.
You have to!
langwidere: sherlock holmes and dr. watson, from the recent bbc series (totally going for the kiss)
I just emerged from one of those endless related-image spirals at Ffffound. [*BLINKS*]

Nnnnerd. )

Anyway, I have just updated my translation of Rashoumon to accommodate Jamie’s incredible suggestions, so it is much, much better now than it was. By miles. Naked-man comics, here I come! (In a manner of speaking.)

DreamWidth keeps giving me codes, even though nobody I know wants them. Do you want them? Do you know anybody who wants them? If no one wants them I’ll post them to [site community profile] dw_codesharing.

I recently started following this tumblr, because it has photos of bunnies and cakes and retarded-looking himegyaru who have voluntarily disfigured themselves with adult-sized Hello Kitty toddler rompers and circle lenses. Um. Does that title say "kanji kana mixed sentence"? Why would it say that? Is that some famous quote from a movie or something? Because that would be kind of hot.

Almost Christmas!
langwidere: sailor moon, sailor mars, and sailor mercury (ラブリイー)
BORED. BORED. BORED!

From Noki: BAHAHAHAHA! Now Little Buddha will finally have some competition! (I used to own Little Buddha on VHS, incidentally.)

This is America, son! Where all the illiterate assholes are free — as assholes, and maybe, all creatures should be.

OH OH ALMOST FORGOT: SPEAKING OF WHICH. YAY! Fucking finally.

langwidere: characters from gundam 00 (mighty hermaphrodite)




Top is the gazing balls in the yard. Bottom is the honeysuckle bower. Snow = pretty.
(Forgive the lack of straightness in the viewport; I am a terrible photographer.)

I guess I got the name of the protagonist in Rashoumon wrong; it’s actually "Menial." Hahaha! Ha? Just me? Sorry.

Some traditional Christmas links:
» Na Wong created this awesome Safari Extension, which single-handedly brings Google Reader out of 2006. Also, they’ve ported Reeder to the big OS, and you can download and use the beta right now. (I’m sticking with NNW for the moment; it is a clunky but functional behemoth.)
» I really like this DIY mason-jar chandelier, and if I weren’t practically guaranteed to burn down my house in the process I would try and make it.
» Yeah, that’s pretty much how I’d review it too.
» Your traditional Christmas Lucius Malfoy interview.
» The next time you see some libertardian jackhole talking about how hatecrime legislation is like totally criminalizing thought! in blog comments somewhere, hit the fucker with this. And then remind him that even after Atlas shrugs he will still never get laid, because he is a greasy loser who mistakenly believes that people who can sometimes fix computers are "producers."
» I wish all Blind Items went down like this :[

Seven days! Eeeee!
langwidere: the statue of liberty (and her name mother of exiles)
Yeah, you can just forget all about the role that stupid Winston Churchill fucker played in aiding the Allies during WWII. Totally irrelevant. I refuse to see this movie! I refuse. I will not feel sorry for the fucking King of England. No. Not even if he looks like Colin Firth. YOU CAN’T MAKE ME SO DON’T EVEN TRY.

Speaking of which: Did you know that there are battling 'Groom of the Stool' articles on Wikipedia? This is the sort of thing I keep track of, apparently. And who wrote them, anyway? Jeeves? "The Groom of the Stool was the most intimate of a monarch's courtiers, whose physical intimacy naturally led to him becoming a man in whom much confidence was placed by his royal master, and with whom many royal secrets were shared as a matter of course." Royal secrets = farts.

I was going to update today, but I have one straggling article. Tomorrow, then!
(When I’m on the computer, nobody can tell I’m not "studying" and so everyone leaves me alone. ♥)

All your Christmas cards and gifts will be late! That’s how you know it’s me.
langwidere: utena’s hand and anthy’s hand and a rose between them (just a long long time)
So, I saw this on somebody’s otherwise totally inoffensive tumblr (a feat, btw):



Some thoughts:
1. If I am going to plagiarize my sense of self, wholecloth, from a work of written fiction, I am probably going to want to get out of the Young Adult section first.
2. Nobody who is smart would marry Ron Weasley. Seriously. He is a million times worse than Edward Cullen, who is at least considered to be superficially physically attractive by many people. Pretty is a talent!

I have updates coming! I know. So exciting!!
langwidere: a cintia dicker editorial (diet coke makes you beautiful)
To celebrate the death of Cromwell, England skipped the year 1659:



Then it pretended like he had never been born in the first place. Adorable, you guys.
George W. Who? Bill Clinton What? George Can’t Hear You, Either? Reagan How?
(I say we keep going, all the way back to Lincoln.)

In other news: I GOT "MA’AM"-ED BY A NURSE TODAY!!!!